23.3.07
...leaving on a jet plane...
bye guys..leaving 2nite le..cya in 3wks time..going to hell........................................than heaven..haha..
eh..dunno whether u guys understand or nt..its actually trg..than r&r..=P
Posted by dotsux at 3/23/2007 10:50:00 am
10.3.07
life sux..
im back on da blog..sry for leaving it so dead for da pass dunno hw many millions of days..haha~ mindef very strict n sensitive abt blog k..=P
latest update on myself..currently still trg to become officer..(thank god im still on it..haha..haven n will nt ooc..no worries =D ) change location le though..already in pro term...therefore nw nt at safti already..2more wks to taiwan trip..kinda looking 4ward to it..nothing much to say..but my aim for tis course is to get som..!! haha~ hopefully..kinda weak at knowledge though..even though it seems like i know alot..but comes to test n exam..i X_X nan de..manage to pass my ippt n soc at da 1st attempt..still rem during service i had to struggled to get them..nt only that..had to take a few tests than get them lor..proud of myself..but maintaining the standard is a big challenge...next wk got 24km route march with 20kg of weight eh..dunno hw im gonna survive..kena arrow da cadet conducting somemore..lots of tings to do ahz..still got exams to study..!!
relationship has been quite bad i must say..we're still together no doubt..but we r going down hill for sure..
he's no longer that gentle frog..instead he is a stressful frog..i guess sch hasnt been easy for him..with tests n exams plus his ccas..2yrs out of sch is really hard to catch up..
it hasnt been easy on us ever since i started trg n him going to sch..stressful work he has there n tough trg i have here..trust is wat i am lacking..nt tat i do nt have faith in him..but him having so much tings to do in sch..so little time for me (even on wkends) jus make me feel uneasy n most imptly i miss him..
there been times where i thrown my temper (im really sry n regretful abt it)..n im trying to control my emotions..trying to be understanding..but tings jus changed ever since..
msgs has been very little..perhaps 1 or 2 if im in luck..swt talkings r nt there anymore..care n concern..i shall nt talk more abt it..he claims tat he needed me to be there for him as a support..but i felt so blocked out..shut off from his world..i know nuts abt wat's going on with his life..
u know y is he studying so hard..yes u know da reason..u try hard to understand..but at the same time..u jus wish that he could do someting to improve our relationship..
i tried to ask more..but he seems impatient..as if he tinks tat im suspecting him of having an affair..(which i really dun tink so, i know deep down inside he still loves me)..i jus wish i could help me out..prove to him tat i've changed n i can handle his probs..but a cold shoulder is wat i got..i feel so dishearten..really lost..i really dunno wat to do..i kept tinking that there r tings tat he r hiding from me..im so scare that i will find out tings that i nt wish to know n do nt wish to happen..i haf no faith in myself..
leaving in taiwan in less than 2wks time..but we haven been spending time on our own for a date..tot 2day we could haf gone out for a movie than later head for a drink down where we 1st kiss..but who knows he had make up classes n projs..i dun blame him..but at times..i jus wish i can be treated like i was use to be treated..like his girl..his baby..am i outcasted..?
when i dun see him..i felt uneasy..msgs were little n short n does not sound like he cares..but when im with him..yes..i still feel da love..but its nt da same anymore..i rather to be with him as there is where i feel him needing me...
rem last time i use to complain abt him controlling me too much..nt giving me freedom..nw hw i wish he could do tat to me..he doesnt really bother whether i return home late or nt..or go out wif who..i tried to msg him like i use to..telling him hw much i miss da good old days..but somehw..there was no reaction..
its really easy to say "let tings flow, let faith decide" but at times..i jus dun wanna give up..at the same time..i jus wan him to be happy..
Posted by dotsux at 3/10/2007 01:24:00 am